


Talk Me Down

by diezminutos



Series: Malex Song Fics [2]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based On a Troye Sivan Song, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M, very brief though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 23:01:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18375851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diezminutos/pseuds/diezminutos
Summary: Based on the song by Troye Sivan





	Talk Me Down

 

_I wanna sleep next to you_  
_But that's all I wanna do right now_  
_And I wanna come home to you_  
_But home is just a room full of my safest sounds_  
_'Cause you know that I can't trust myself with my three A.M. shadow_  
_I'd rather fuel a fantasy than deal with this alone_

 

Alex flinched has he heard his bedroom slam. He waited until he could not longer hear the footsteps down the hallway to let out the sob he had been holding in. He knew better than to let his father know how much he hurt him.

 

Growing up, Alex had heard "Manes men don't cry" more than he could count. When he was eight, Alex had fallen out of the tree in his backyard and broken his elbow. Alex remembers the way his father glared at him through the rear view mirror as if he was challenging him. It was like he was saying "Don't cry or else." Alex better remembers what his father had said to him when they got home. He was looking down at his bright neon cast when his father grabbed his shoulder aggressively. "I hope you learned something from this."

 

Alex had learned that he feared his father more than anything else.

 

Alex began to cry harder as he turned the light on to assess the damage. His dad had definitely grabbed him harder than normal, but the bruises didn't show much of a difference.

 

He felt himself slowly walk to the back door and into the backyard. We walked past the tree and to the tool shed. He didn't know what he was doing, but he had to get out. "Hopefully Guerin will understand," he thought.

 

He pushed the door open slowly and heard Michael sit up quickly. "Oh, Alex," he let out a breath. "Do you need me to leave?" he asked already throwing the blanket off of his body.

 

"No," Alex shook his head. "I just had to get out of there." Michael noticed the crack in his voice and got up slowly. "I'm sorry," Alex shook his head again trying to wipe away his tears and stop new ones from falling. "I shouldn't be crying...I shouldn't even be here...I just didn't know what to do."

 

"I'm glad you're here," Michael whispered. "And...it's okay to cry...Healthy actually."

 

Alex didn't know what to say. Michael certainly wasn't his friend. He was the smart kid who lived in his truck. Alex couldn't share what happened to him or share the deep disturbing thoughts of his mind to a stranger, could he?

 

"Hey, um..." Alex started after he somewhat calmed himself down a few moments later. "Do you mind if I stay in here tonight. I'll sleep on the floor and I promise I won't tell anyone so no one will think you're gay or anything."

 

"Yeah no problem," Michael shook his head and collapsed back on the small matress.

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"Yeah. You looked out for me. I look out for you," Michael smiled at him. "And there's no way you're sleeping on the floor. I pretty sure I saw a cockroach the other day."

 

"Okay," Alex chuckled and laid down on the other side of the mattress. "Thank you."

 

And as he drifted to sleep, Alex felt how he hadn't felt in a long time: safe.

 

_I wanna hold hands with you_   
_But that's all I wanna do right now_   
_And I wanna get close to you_   
_'Cause your hands and lips still know their way around, oh_   
_And I know I like to draw at night, it starts to get surreal_   
_But the less time that I spend with you, the less you need to heal_

 

 It had been a week since Alex and Michael's safe haven in the tool shed went up into flames. A week since Michael had surprised Alex at work. A week since Alex felt Michael's touch.

Alex sat at the Crashdown as he waited for Liz's shift to end. He mindlessly stared at his finished milkshake and played with the straw quietly.

"You okay?" Liz asked as she collected the remains of his meal.

"Yeah," he nodded his head. He knew she was going through so much more with Rosa's sudden passing. "Yeah. Don't worry."

"I'll be done soon. Thanks for waiting."

"No problem."

Liz turned back towards the kitchen and Alex slumped against his seat.

"Busy?" he heard a voice behind him. He turned around slightly and saw Michael looking at him.

"Just waiting for Liz's shift to end."

"Do you have time for a drive?" Michael lifted his keys slightly. Alex thought for a moment and glanced at Michael's other hand which had a makeshift bandaging all over it. "Please?" Michael whispered. "I need you."

Alex stood up and shot Liz a quick text:

Sorry I couldn't stick around. Dad needs me at home.

"Let's go," Alex nodded and followed Michael to his car.

Alex didn't know where they were going, and he didn't really care. Michael said he needed him. That's what mattered.

They were silent for a while until Alex could practically feel the pain from Michael's hand radiating from him as he watched Michael grip the wheel tightly.

"Pull over," Alex mumbled.

"I just want to drive-" Michael shook his head and Alex could hear the pain in his voice.

"Guerin, pull over."

Michael finally did and put the car in park. He threw his head against the headrest and groaned.

"Hurts?" Alex asked dumbly. He hit himself mentally. Of course it hurts, you idiot.

"Little," Michael sighed trying to put on a brave face.

Alex slowly reached over the center console and grabbed Michael's hands gently. He stroked his left hand and pressed a light kiss to it, making sure not to put pressure on it. "I'm sorry he did this to you," Alex whispered.

"I'm sorry I can't protect you from him," Michael whispered back. Alex shook his head slightly. "It'll heal." Michael offered. "But I know I'm not always there when he...you know." Michael leaned forward and pressed his good hand to the back of Alex's neck. "I'm sorry."

Alex leaned forward and kissed Michael slowly for a moment before he pulled away and sat up all the way. 

Realization struck him slowly. Alex couldn't let Michael get hurt again which meant they probably shouldn't hang out anymore. He had to do something to make sure his father had no way of getting close to Michael ever again.

"We should head back," Alex sighed.

"Let's stay," Michael reached for Alex's hand again. "Just us."

"Guerin, I don't think there can be an us."

"What?" Michael couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"My dad's gonna make me enlist right after graduation. I don't want to start something we can't finish."

"Why can't we finish it?"

"Be realistic, Guerin," Alex sighed. Why was he making this so difficult? "You have UNM to worry about. Plenty of guys and girls for you there."

"I'm not going anymore," Michael mumbled in response.

"What?" Alex was shocked now. "Michael, you're a genius. You can't just not-"

"I need to be here," Michael answered firmly. "I'm not going anywhere." Alex stared at him trying so hard to figure out what changed. Michael noticed and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Guess we better head back."

 

_If you don't mind, I'll walk that line_   
_Stuck on the bridge between us_   
_Gray areas and expectations_   
_But I'm not the one if we're honest, yeah_   
_But I wanna sleep next to you_   
_And I wanna come home to you_   
_I wanna hold hands with you_   
_I wanna be close to you_

 

Alex was tired. He was tired of thinking. He was tired of working. Most of all though, he was tired of lying. Tired of walking away from things just because they scared him. He knew what he wanted and he knew he was lying to himself saying that life with Guerin would be too complicated. That he would hurt him even more than he already had.

Something made him go though. Almost like their first night in the tool shed so many years ago. Alex just had to. He pulled up to the junkyard. Michael sat in his favorite chair glancing at his hand.

This was going to be harder than he thought.

He sat in his car trying to figure out what he was going to say. He heard a tap on his window and rolled it down.

"It's late. But I can take a look if you really need me to," Michael leaned down and rested his forearm on the roof of the car above his head.

"My car's fine," Alex shook his head.

Michael stepped back confused as Alex finally got out of his car. "Are you okay?"

Alex shook his head and sighed. "I didn't want to walk away, you know...All those times."

"Then why did you?"

"I thought if I separated myself from you I could protect you. I didn't want my dad to hurt you again and I didn't see another way," Alex couldn't help the word vomit from coming out. Everything he wanted to say for the last decade was just spewing out of him before he could even register his thoughts. "But I wanna be with you and sleep near you and hold your hand and kiss you and-"

"Hey," Michael placed his hands on Alex's shoulders and squeezed him gently. "Breathe." Alex nodded and took a deep breath. He lowered his head as tears began to come out almost as fast as his previous words. "Hey," Michael repeated and hugged Alex close to his chest. He rocked them back and forth for a few moments as Alex cried into his shoulder.

"I didn't mean to hurt you-"

"I know," Michael whispered.

"I thought-"

"I know," Michael whispered again and stroked Alex's hair.

Alex stayed quiet for a few moments and pulled away slowly. "I wanna be with you, Michael," he whispered. "For good this time."

Michael looked for any hesitation in Alex's face. Any familiar cue to tell him this was going to be over by tomorrow morning. Alex's face appeared in a way Michael had never seen before. He was honest. He was desperate. And nothing was going to stand in the way of being with Michael.

"Even with everything you know?" Michael asked slowly. "I may be dangerous, Alex."

Alex nodded. "I want everything."

Michael leaned forward ever so slowly and glanced at Alex's mouth. He wanted everything too. Alex noticed and leaned forward just as much until they were kissing slowly. When they pulled away, Michael smiled at Alex slightly. "We should get some rest," he breathed against Alex's lips. Alex nodded and they pulled apart slowly. For a moment, Alex felt the old habit to walk back to his car, but stopped before he managed to turn himself around.

"Come on," Michael grabbed Alex's hand and led him into the airstream.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Talk to me on tumblr! -michaelneverlooksaway


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